We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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