You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
