Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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