Cold hands, warm shart.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
