So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
