The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
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My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
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only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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