Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
