Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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