Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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