and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize
