i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
