I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
