It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
