things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
