sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
