I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
