This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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