Banned from zoo.
Again?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
