if you like me you must not know who I am
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
