she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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