Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
