if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
