I swear she didn't look like that last week.
well you can't waste a boner
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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