I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i out mim tonsoeep
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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