i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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