Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
