At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
