I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my shit smells like andre
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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