I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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