Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
