why didn't you poke me back
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
