I heard we made out
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
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look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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