I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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