I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
