Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
