Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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