I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
