I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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