My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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