literally had 100 drinks last night.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
