It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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