Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
