its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
