none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
