Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
