u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This house was built for laser tag.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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