She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
