Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
