East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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