the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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