i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
