i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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