you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
