Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
