Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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