And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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