I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
