he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
