im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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