So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
where does the pee come out of this thing
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
