his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it's great music for shaving your balls
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
