do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
