I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The air was thick with penises
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
