Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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