I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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