hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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