So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
