who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
