i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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